Escaped Chihuahua!

img_0535

Of all the dogs that run away each year, the Chihuahua is the least likely. A Chihuahua by nature is a helpless creature that parasitically thrives off the heat and comfort of its owner. No Chihuahua ever enthusiastically runs to the door to go wee wee. Most Chihuahuas feign the outdoors unless it mirrors their natural desert habitat. Max, my Chihuahua of 8 months now, is almost always by my side. He lies on my lap and I pet him like Doctor Evil. If I have a book in my lap, he lays on my legs. If I have something on my legs he lays on my feet. The dog is always seeking human touch. In general, he has more ADHD than a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. At any given moment he is alert to his surrounding environment-especially whenever the refrigerator door opens. I believe Max to be some kind of mix between a Chihuahua, a dingo, and Will Ferrell in Elf. I keep learning new things from Max that make me a better person. I would recommend to everyone that they own an animal. Animals teach responsibility, respect, compassion, unselfishness, and patience. So what has Max taught me on this glorious Sunday? Well, that Chihuahuas can run away.

As stated previously, Max is always by my side. So how the frick did a seven-pound-deer-headed-pea brained Chihuahua escape from the house? It all started with my desire to talk on the phone with my old roommate-while on the porch of my house. It being almost 70 degrees outside I wanted to bask in the glorious sun which has been absent for the past 4 months. I took my chair, my phone, and my Chihuahua outside. While talking with my roommate, Max sat peacefully on my lap while taking in the rare solar heat. All was well with the world until Max started to get comfortable. See, Chihuahuas are very timid up until a certain point. They have an action potential of meekness which is negated whenever they sit in one place for a period of time. By sitting on my lap on the porch, Max became the king of the porch-anyone who came close was in his territory. While chatting with Chris, his action potential was bathed in some sort of Chihuahua gusto, and Max began to bark at every single thing that came past his wooden domain. Adults. Dogs. Children. Grandmas. Leafs. Paper Bags. Nothing was safe from his wrath and I subsequently threw him inside because of the interruptions to my conversation. As earlier stated, Max must have human contact at all time. After constant whining, Christina opened the door and let him come to me; he quickly regained his state of superiority which subsequently forced me to throw him back inside. It was at this point that I must have not shut the door completely.

In about a half hour, Christina was heard through the window frantically calling for Max. I thought nothing of it because I figured he may be snuggled under a synthetic human substitute-his blanket. But there was no miniature deer to be found under the many blankets which are exclusively for his comfort. This sent a wave of panic through my spine and I thought he may actually have run away. The house was checked and now my wife was going all Filipino on me. I asked myself why would Max leave the porch? He has never left my side. Nevertheless he was gone and we were contemplating the worse – that a hawk swooped down and grabbed his rat-like body. Thinking that he couldn’t have gone very far, I scanned the neighborhood from my porch. I didn’t see anything at first but then my eyes caught a small figure in the far distance. It was Max, in the road, starring at a stop sign as if he could read it-with a car rapidly descending in the foreground. I called his name and as if nothing happened he ran back to me with haste. I embraced him with the utmost ferment as if this little dog was my own child. So why did Max leave the porch? I will never know the answer but it has taught me a lot about my relationship with this dog.

I actually care about him and would be extremely sad if he died. I actually appreciate that his brain and balls may be bigger than I had previously thought. I actually need to respect that he is a strong dog and not a mutated rat. The moral of the story is this: When life gives you a metaphorical Chihuahua, a situation that you don’t respect or appreciate, think twice before making judgments and discounting it. That Chihuahua may highlight your vulnerabilities, making you more emotionally sensitive and more appreciative of what you have. I know my Chihuahua did.

Plastic: Birds, Beaches, and Bodies

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The obese albatross was having quite a hard time sailing through the air. Obese being the wrong descriptor, the bird had all its weight centered around the stomach like a varsity-jacket-wearing 45-year-old male. It was a quite odd site and it seemed like the bird was designed for heavy bomb drops and not quick-swirling noise dives like his counterparts. All of a sudden the heavyset bird hit a patch of hard wind and the belly was lifted up as if composed of a material that was not dense but quite light. Although there was a strange lightness to the protrusion, the bird continued to sink further and further towards the mating lands of his ancestors. Below him were thousands of little baby chicks just hatching to start a life filled with majestic days of flying through the skies as he had done so many times before. Sadly though, this bird’s last experience of flying would end quite soon. The bird suddenly began coughing, choking, and hacking, making his flight look like a shot-down-black-hawk helicopter. The crash was eminent and I wonder in those last seconds whether his life passed before his eyes: making love to his seagull woman, regurgitating food for his chicks, pooping on cars, squawking with his friends. Mothers quickly moved their chicks out of the way, elder birds looked on in horror and finally the sickened leviathan hit the ground with a force that lifted a mushroom cloud of feathers. No average bird could survive that fall and the other birds began to collect decorative seashells for the funeral. But wait! The bird was still moving! The bird was still alive, the large stomach must have cushioned the load. Would he survive this unbelievable ordeal? Sadly, his movement was short lived with one last violent coughing fit. The bird lay still as his counterparts went on their way coughing in an eerily similar manner to their now dead friend. A few weeks later the bird was still in his death spot, but now that large gut of his had spilled open. The contents looked like one of those stores that sells cheap party supplies: a toy ring, reusable lighter, a disposable fork, and a whole host of worthless plastic junk. The plastic in the bird was tangled and knotted, looking as if it was in a continual loop of digestion for quite some time. What kind of bird would eat plastic? Maybe he thought it was a new tasty food like a fat  kid salivating over candy at the checkout counter. The answer became clearer when the mating territory was combed over. Trash as far as the eye could see. The gulls were surrounded by a cornucopia of junk that engrossed their entire food system. Worse than the trash, was the litter of bird carcasses that lay among the waste-the natural birds’ bodies composting while the unnatural plastic eternally waited for its next victim.

This story is fake but the premise stands in the fact that our plastic trash has a real effect on the health of our world. Plastic is ubiquitous and we use it everyday without much thought to where it goes after we throw it away. I wanted to know more about plastic so I read Plastic: A Toxic Love Story by Susan Freinkel. The book made me analyze how I use plastic and what impact it has on my life. Plastic became quite popular after World War II and inundated the market with the promise of convenience, functionality, affordability, and durability. We became a throw-away culture and began using many plastic products one time before tossing them in the trash. Plastic lasts a very long time and our land fills, oceans, and beaches are now suffocating from its “durability.” The role plastic plays in our life is complex and there is no easy answer to what we should do about the plastic that is already in our environment. What we can do is take personal responsibility with our everyday use of plastic and try to reduce, reuse, and recycle. First, reduce the amount of trash you create by buying less single-serve food items and less material crap in general. Second, buy reusable-tote bags instead of using single use plastic bags at the grocery store. Thirdly, take a minute to throw the plastic that you do have in the proper recycling containers. These are easy steps to do your part in making the world a better place. Less plastic means less litter, less plastic chemicals getting in your food, less plastic getting in our bodies, and less depressing pictures posted on this blog.

The Word is the Bird

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The variety of birds on this earth is truly amazing with almost 10,000 unique species. My depth of bird knowledge is very limited and I honestly only know a handful: robin, blue jay, crow, parrot, cardinal, turkey, and big bird. I was interested in reading something other than Teddy Roosevelt killing birds, so I picked up The Birds of Pandemonium by Michele Raffin. This lady freaking loves birds!!! She has over 250 and runs a sanctuary/breeding operation for birds that are endangered. Parrots, as I learned, have the intelligence of a 3 year old and the subsequent personality; they love attention, can speak short phrases, dance, and have screaming tantrums. The obsession Michele has for birds is extremely respectable and I commend her mission of conserving bird species. Birds have personalities and they can feel emotions just like humans. Sadly, people buy birds as pets and they don’t understand the investment needed to care for them (certain parrot species can live up to 50 years). Life happens and bird owners die, their houses gets foreclosed, or they marry a bird hater. This creates the sad situation of the bird being transferred between many homes throughout its life. Thankfully, there are people like Michele who have the heart and patience for these neglected creatures.

A large portion of the exotic birds in the US were originally wild and taken from their habitat to fill the cage of some fat-old lady who wants a “Pretty Bird.” The mass removal of birds from their habitat reduced several species’ numbers to endangered levels. Miraculously, legislation was passed in 1993 to limit the importation of certain birds. This legislation helped, but people still purchase exotic birds in the US that are bred in unhealthy and inhumane conditions. As humans, we grow attached to animals and this is hard wired into our evolutionary make up. They become our friends and we treat them many times as if they were our children. I think this quote by Irving Townsend sums up our feelings for pets; “We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.” Any pet, whether it is a dog, a potbelly pig, or a bird should not be purchased unless the owner can take full responsibility for the animal throughout its life. An animal should not be purchased without deep thought and time to contemplate the personal sacrifices. Before you buy that parrot, you better be prepared for it to call you “ASSHOLE” every morning until you are an old man (this is exactly what Michelle’s parrot calls her husband). The responsibility of a life, whether it is an animal or human, is the greatest responsibility a person can take on. Make sure you know the breeder, the animal’s upbringings, yourself, your family, your intentions, your realistic future dwellings, your finances, and your level of patience before buying any type of pet. If done responsibly, the bond you form with a pet will make you less selfish and more understanding of the fragility of life-allowing you to better appreciate your own existence.

To learn more about Michele and her bird sanctuary visit http://www.pandemoniumaviaries.org/