The Original Desperate Housewife

Do you ever desire extra spice in your life? Ever wondered what it would be like to be rich and famous? Or even just daydreamed about an evening that didn’t include the word “Netflix?” I for one have a high threshold for boredom. This characteristic stands out starkly when I spend time with my sister who is an adrenaline-junky-extrovert; a fun night for me is usually turning on the X-Files while a fun night for her is turning the pedals on her bike for a 20-mile ride.

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An awesome component of modern life is the plethora of options available to avoid boredom. This was not the case back in the 1850’s. Life during that time for the poor entailed a lot of hard work for both men and women. If you were lucky enough to have money, life could be filled with all sorts of social activities and luxuries. One of the worst places in society for boredom was that of the middle-class woman. Women in the middle-class had enough money, so work was not required but not enough money to be a member of the social sphere. This equation more times than not ended with the original “Desperate Houswife.” This was the situation that inspired Gustave Flaubert to write his most famous work Madame Bovary in 1856. A story that broke the mold for novels and was banned for some time because of its literary realism.

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Madame Bovary follows the marriage, affairs, and extreme dissatisfaction of Emma Bovary. Emma simply wanted more from life than what her simple doctor husband could provide – she dreamed of “true” love which she read about in her novels. Love to Emma was supposed to feel like a gush of refreshing water falling from the skies, not the humdrum monotony of her marriage – even though her husband was patient, caring, and intimate. She not only wanted a prince but wanted to be respected as a princess – when in reality she had the means of a farm girl. At one point Emma did feel she had reached complete bliss during her first affair…

“‘It’s because I love you,’ she would interrupt. ‘I love you so much that I can’t do without you – you know that, don’t you?…I’m your slave and your concubine! You’re my king, my idol! You’re good! You’re beautiful! You’re wise! You’re strong!”

As with so many affairs, the woman and man had very different outlooks…

He had had such things said to him so many times that none of them had any freshness for him. Emma was like all his other mistresses; and as the charm of novelty gradually slipped from her like a piece of her clothing, he saw revealed in all its nakedness the eternal monotony of passion, which always assumes the same forms and always speaks the same language.

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Ouch! Unsurprisingly, the relationship dissolved when the chap realized Emma was a little nutty. This dialogue represents the main point of the book: seeking happiness and contentment from outside sources will never be satisfying. Emma never finds happiness because she is always looking for the wrong formula: If I could only have (fill in the blank), I would be happier. Happiness is never something that happens to us. Happiness is something we cultivate internally. It is a practice just like building muscles at the gym. Emma never “exercised” and many people today fall prey to the same idleness. Are you bored? Are you discontent? Are you fed up? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to practice happiness. The best way to avoid the “Desperate Housewife Syndrome” is to be proactive and grateful. Gratitude is the single best exercise to prevent Emma-like mistakes that always end in disaster. What are you grateful for? I for one am thankful that I am not Madame Bovary’s husband.

***To practice daily gratitude, I downloaded the app “Insight Timer” which provides various meditation breaks. Try it out and friend me (Jon Oldham).***

 

Our New Dog

Last Saturday, I became the owner of a 2-year-old Chihuahua named Max. Max was a rescue dog from the Humane Society; he was dropped off by an older woman who could no longer take care of him because of her health problems. Max is energetic, loving, timid, and very much an introvert. The first time we met, Max growled at me and was shaky when I gently tempted to pet him. He takes a lot of time getting use to people and I imagine the old lady didn’t socialize him very much. In all honesty, I wasn’t that excited to get a dog-I knew it would be a lot of money and work. However, Christina wanted a fur baby and I guess this scraggly-rat dog is what fit the bill. Max has grown on me this past week with our several bonding activities: me saying “go potty” five hundred times, trying to read with half his body laying on my book, yelling at him not to bark at every noise, teaching him tricks which he never performs, and incessant petting of his bony-chicken body.  They say dogs are like their owners-he likes tortilla chips and the couch like me-he is feisty, shy, and tiny like my wife. We had to stick with the name, Max, because his brain is the size of a pea and we can’t put the mental strain on him that requires an identity change. I think the most fitting name for him would be Kermit because his cuteness is tinged with a weird ugliness and he makes a frog noise whenever he wants something. After a week, I have slowly come to accept this little dog into my life and I think over time we will have a lot of fun together.

To further solidify my bond with Max, I did some Wikipedia research on the history of the mighty Chihuahua.

-Chihuahuas originated in Mexico and were companion dogs dating back to 300 BC.

-It was reported by Spanish Conquistadors, that the Aztecs raised little-nearly hairless dogs for food; many of which were found in the region later known as Chihuahua.

-There are two types of Chihuahua head shapes, apple head and dear head. The apple head variety is accepted for competitions and displays a shorter nose. The dear head is closer to the ancient variety of Chihuahua and resembles the head of a small fawn.

The final thing I learned, which I am still digesting, is that Chihuahuas have the longest lifespan of any dog breed, 12-20 years. So here is a toast, to a long life together with this ancient dog that was once raised for food…which I now call my friend.

Small Steps = Big Success

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

-Jim Rohn

What is the key to accomplishing all your goals in life? It is simple, small steps repeated day in and day out leads to success. Whatever you wish to accomplish can be achieved by just small actions on a regular basis. Think about your goal. Is it to lose weight? Become stronger? Write more? Master the guitar? Learn something knew? Be more social? Be less material? Whatever the goal, there are usually things we do to set ourselves up for failure. Below are the top 3 reasons we fail at our goals.

  1. Wrong motivation: We take up a goal not for the betterment of ourselves but for bettering people’s image of ourselves. The motivation should come from intrinsic desires not extrinsic. Ask yourself this one question: Would I still pursue this goal if no one but me could see/acknowledge its completion? For example, would you still want to hike the Appalachian Trail if you had to keep it a secret for the rest of your life?
  2. Too grandiose: Do you have a weird pear shape and think that you can workout enough to look like a celebrity? Are you extremely introverted and want to have 20 close friends? Sometimes we need to be realistic with our goals and not set the bar too high. It is always good to better ourselves but don’t forget that we are all unique and do not possess all the same abilities and talents. The perfect goal is one that pushes us enough to progress and shoot for the stars that are realistically within our reach.
  3. Too impatient: It is easy for us to expect results from our goals immediately. I remember picking up weights for the first time and after a week wondering why I didn’t look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Make intermittent-measurable steps for your goals so that small wins can snowball into big victories overtime. There is a reason why most people are overweight-uneducated-couch potatoes; it is easy. Bettering yourself is hard and it takes a crap ton of time. Don’t expect quick results, look at all your goals as marathons-not sprints.

So what are your goals? Did you make some goals back in January that are currently gathering dust? Whatever you wish to accomplish try these three steps.

  1. Spend at least 30 minutes a day towards your goal.
  2. Write your goal down and place it somewhere you and others can read it.
  3. Make a small event that can measure your progress

So what does this look like? I am trying to play my guitar again and it is not easy. I love  it when I have mastered a song but the process of learning chords and notes is painful. Hence, I have made the goal of playing at least 30 minutes a day, writing down the song I am currently learning, and setting a date for recording it on my video camera. I am far from perfect in achieving my goals but writing about them helps me and will hopefully help you also.